“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.”

— Henry David Thoreau, Walden

The Last Six Months Broke Everything I Believed

The last six months have been the most breaking period of my life. Not because I lost something. But because I lost the beliefs that I had built my life around. It all started with the search for something the world constantly promises but rarely provides:

Work-life balance.

I was searching for a way to live more freely when I decided to take a week's vacation from my job and travel. But before that, I had been working endlessly for months. Not looking at hours. Not looking at days. Working in mixed shifts. Some days everything at once. Some nights reaching home at 2 AM and leaving again at 5 AM.

Deep down, I knew I was exhausting myself. But I didn't stop. Because one part of me genuinely enjoyed the project I was working on. And another part of me desperately wanted that promotion this year.

I thought this sacrifice would eventually lead somewhere. I thought this was how life worked.

The Beautiful Lies We Inherit

Throughout our lives, since childhood, we are taught certain ideas. Almost like Disneyland stories. Beautiful. Comforting. Perfect. And slowly, we start believing them so deeply that they become our truth.

Until one day, life turns against us.

Not because life is cruel. But because life wants to show us what was real and what was only a story. I call them the deepest lies.

Hard work guarantees reward.

Love guarantees forever.

Success guarantees fulfillment.

When The System Becomes Bigger Than You

I always respected the boundaries between my work and my personal life. I believed there should be a separation. But I was just one person against a complete system. A system that didn't respect its own boundaries. A system that demanded more from people without realizing what it was taking away.

And slowly, in order to achieve what I wanted, I surrendered. My time. My energy. My presence.

I started working hours that were never supposed to become normal. I didn't realize it then...

But I was slowly exchanging pieces of my life for a future I wasn't even sure I wanted.

The Call I Answered, But Wasn't Present For

And then one day, just like any other day, I couldn't truly be there.

She called.

As far as I remember, I did pick up the call.

But my mind wasn't there.

My body was listening.

My attention wasn't.

And she felt it. She felt that she was no longer my priority. She felt that my work had become more important than her.

And maybe from my perspective, I was only trying to build a better future. But from her perspective... She was losing the person she loved in the present. That was the painful truth I failed to understand.

Love doesn't survive only on commitment. Love survives on presence.

Just like a plant doesn't survive because you promise to water it someday. It survives because you show up every day.

When Life Broke Its Own Promises

I was not rewarded with that promotion.

Even the management couldn't give a clear answer. The only explanation was:

"There are limited positions, and you were not one of them."

The person I loved eventually left. Because somewhere along the way, I believed love and commitment alone were enough to turn something into forever.

They weren't.

And after losing both things, I lost myself too. There were days when getting out of bed felt impossible.

Not because my body was tired. But because my mind was exhausted.

I was alive. But I didn't feel alive.

My body was moving. But my mind was trapped in endless questions.

I kept replaying every moment. Every conversation. Every decision. Trying to understand where I went wrong. Because according to everything I was taught... I was doing everything right.

Hard work.Reward.Love.Forever.Success.Fulfillment.

Then why did everything fall apart?

The Vacation That Gave Me Back Myself

After those setbacks, I left for a vacation. At first, maybe I wanted to escape. Escape the pain. Escape the thoughts. Escape myself. But somewhere between mountains, roads, and silence... I found something I had lost.

Presence.

Nature gave me something I couldn't find at home or work. A different perspective. It reminded me that life is not only about reaching somewhere. Sometimes it is about being somewhere. I realized:

Love asks for consistency more than commitment.

Life doesn't always reward the hardest worker.

And sometimes success itself can become a burden.

The Promotion I Never Received Became My Greatest Lesson

The truth was...

The level of success I was chasing had already started becoming a burden. Even taking a single leave felt like a negotiation. There was no time for myself. No time to simply drive. No time to sit with family. No time to do things just because I enjoyed them.

I started questioning:

If I had received that promotion... Would I actually have been happier? Or would I have simply continued running towards the next thing? Maybe not getting promoted was not a failure. Maybe it was life forcing me to look at something I had been ignoring.

Failure Teaches What Books Cannot

We read hundreds of books. We listen to people's experiences. We learn from others' mistakes. But some lessons cannot be borrowed.

They have to be lived.

Failure has a language of its own. Pain teaches things that success never can. And sometimes the moments that break us are the same moments that rebuild us.

Losing Her Was My Biggest Loss

I apologized.

Many times.

I accepted where I was wrong. I accepted that I failed to give the attention and presence that love requires. But I couldn't change her decision.

Maybe she had already moved on emotionally before I realized what was happening. And that's another painful truth about life.

Sometimes you understand the value of something only after you lose the privilege of having it.

When it comes to love... I believe two things matter the most:

Time and attention.

Love is not maintained by a promise made once. It is maintained by small choices made every day.

The Life We Are Taught To Chase

Even while living, people continue chasing status. Money. Fame. Recognition.

Not realizing that sometimes they are not chasing what they actually want. They are chasing what they were taught to want. A life that looks successful. But doesn't feel alive.

A life that belongs to everyone else. But not to them.

The Questions I Ask Myself Now

Since those setbacks, I have started asking myself different questions.

Not: "How can I become more successful?"

But: What do I truly love doing? What makes me feel fulfilled? What makes me wake up with excitement? What kind of life would I choose if nobody was watching?

And slowly... I started rebuilding. I started working out. Learning boxing. Going on walks. Spending more time with friends. Sharing more of myself. Writing. Living.

Not just existing.

Maybe Life Is Like A Garden

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know whether the right person will come back into my life. I don't know whether success will find me in the way I once imagined. But I believe something now.

A garden doesn't chase butterflies. It simply becomes beautiful. And eventually... The right butterflies find their way.

Maybe my job is not to chase love. Not to chase validation. Not to chase some promotions.

Maybe my job is to build a life that feels meaningful. A life that feels like mine.

One Thought To Leave With

Maybe life was never a lie. AND truth was always simpler.

Love deeply. Live openly. Stay curious. Be present.

And never lose yourself while trying to build a life.

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